Dark Moments - Playing Possum

He seems nice she thought. Sophisticated, charming, sense of humour, single parent. Lived in an affluent suburb which meant he could support himself. Sound good. Yep she thought so.

They had chatted on line for a little while with him suggesting she go to his place for dinner and drinks a number of times but the timing wasn’t right for her.

Feeling excited and wondering how this night would end she finally invites him to her place, so far so good she thinks. They both seemed to enjoy each other’s company, she even opened a bottle of champagne for him. He was witty with a lovely naughty sense of humour. She found him physically attractive.

After a couple of glasses of champagne, he brings out what she thought was tobacco at first but realised was mull. I tried it years ago she tells him, just makes me tired. Feeling a little tipsy from the alcohol she agrees to share one with him. Not a big deal she thinks. Boy was that an understatement. Nothing will happen unless you want it too, he whispers. Feeling safe, her guard fell like a ton of bricks as he softly caressed her. She asks him what was in that joint as she has never felt like that before. She felt way past drunk, had minimal control of her body in hazy world. She lies back on the couch feeling a little numb. To her shock he pushes her down and pulls her jeans and panties off in seconds and starts caressing her in earnest. Her body reacts, she couldn’t help herself. She felt her body heating as he begins to finger her. Soon he tried to push his fist inside her, its okay he says, a woman’s body is made to have children you can take this. Her body on fire, her mind in this hazy place she begins to move to the rhythm he sets. That’s it he says, see you love it, he croons. Perfect.

Her body reacted in pleasure and pain as he stretches her but her mind was in utter turmoil. She is frightened but cannot control her bodies reaction. She knew if he had asked, she would probably have given her consent, but he didn’t ask, he just took. She is incapable of speech and just lays there, her body half off the couch. She remembers him asking about a bed, she points. He left her on the couch calling her to come. Hearing him make strange noises in the bedroom, she lay frozen on the couch pretending she was sleeping. Playing possum, she hears him make a phone call asking someone about the effects of what he had given me.

Her mind reeling, all she could think was “oh god please leave”. When he finally left taking his unopened bottle with him. She staggers to quickly lock the door behind him. Relaxed enough now that he had finally left, she replays the events in her mind. That was as close to rape as she ever wanted to experience but when she confronts him, he tells her she asked for it.

Did she? She is utterly confused. She would have had sex with him, after all they were consenting adults and she had found him physically attractive. The events keep replaying in her mind. Her body still in pain, no, she thinks, I didn’t ask for that.